On the twelfth floor she lived all alone

On the twelfth floor she lived all alone,

Hoping somebody would reach out to her,

It had been years she had ears for her desires,

And eyes to look deep into and tell about her fires,

Ant like they walked all the liars, One after the other,

making her mad and bitter,

On the twelfth floor she lived all alone,

Hoping somebody would reach out to her,

She blew the kisses,

Threw some roses

Aromatic letters, ferns to tickle

Burning candles, muffins and wine barrels,

But nobody looked back, How Cruel!

On the twelfth floor she lived all alone,

Hoping somebody would reach out to her,

she was pretty but derpy,

she must have missed something,

making first move to meet new people ?

courage to face rejections ?

or wearing a smile ?

nah! Nah! No! No!

Binoculars maybe!

Yes definitely !

so she picked them up and focused badly,

on the wrong guys and girls,

untill she saw him reading one of her love letter,

in torn shirt and baggy trousers,

he looked like a beggar,

but it didn’t matter,

he had made the first move of looking towards her,

she used to play hard to get in such situations earlier,

but water was now above the table,

So she jumped out in the thin air,

On the twelfth floor she lived all alone,

Hoping somebody would reach out to her,

Thank god it's her !

Hello!

“you should not have called”

I have, what to do now ?

“ i am cutting the line “

Who is interested in talking to you! Give the phone to your dad

“are you crazy ? My dad loves my mom, he won’t go out with you “

You are saying that! you! Don’t you remember you tried to set me up with your dad

“that was because he was lonely and sad “

So you used me to cheer him up and now when your mother is back I am a problem!

 What about me ?

“what about you ? “

You started the story and now I have fallen in love with him

“It’s just infatuation, How long do you know him ?, just one meeting ?”

One moment is enough

“in books”

Give him the phone, you won’t understand

“shut up!”

How dare you

( Who is on phone coffee ?

"No one mom" )

So they call you coffee at home ? how sweet!

“low sugar “

Just like your voice

“Listen!”

Alright, I will listen to you, meet on lunch

“I won’t meet you”

We will sign an agreement, you will get hefty paycheck

“for?”

For your dad

“you ! i will kill you!”

You will have to meet me for that.

“Okay. Today on lunch at cloud 9”

Done, bring your dad too

“he has plans to go out with mom”

Don’t burn me

“i will burn you even more on lunch”

Phone is switched off and both talkers leave to get ready

( Mom hears the recorded conversation,

Mom: I can smell some sparks here, I hope he falls in love with her, even if she is a ...

At least she is a girl. I was scared when he said he is...no! no! he is not)

But boys in love did have a long lunch that day on cloud 9

Oil Sales Pitch..

Its rough that way,

Its killing all the fun,

Oil is for pleasure,

Put some oil on it,

Cook at elevated degrees,

Taste, unfelt buds, click a bokeh on tongue,

Oil is for variety,

Put some oil on it,

Can’t pay bills ?

GDP is going down,

Oil is for money,

Put some oil on it,

Medicines going out of gut ?

Cells can’t absorb Vitamins from water,

Oil is for health,

Put some oil on it

Want to kill someone softly ?

Show your love, On whatever they like,

Oil is for murder,

Put some oil on it,

Can’t see your neighbour grow ?

Fund a rebellion, start a fire in their home,

Oil is for disease,

Put some oil on it,

In the desert, Off the shore,

Nobody can live ?

Oil is for life,

Put some oil on it,

All world thinks about is religion,

Picking up swords, has nothing to do,

Oil is for jobs,

Put some oil on it,

Staying on same thought,

Got a bike , car, a bus ?

Oil is for movement,

Put some oil on it,

Head is heavy, Its been a long day,

Remove bullets of stress,

Oil is for spirituality,

Put some oil on it,

 Its been too dark for too long, all efforts have tired,

Light up a lamp,

Put some oil on it,

Oil is for hope,

Ae Ziba...

Sepehr ka  aftaab,

Meri, Ae Ziba !

Qorboo-net be-ram, ae ziba !

Sokut ka Rubab,

Teri aawaz, ae ziba !

Qorboo-net be-ram, ae ziba !

Shaam aaye, aaye na aaye, mahtaab,

Tu aaye to aaye meri jaan, ae ziba !

Qorboo-net be-ram, ae ziba !

Derakht  ki bahaar,

Teri mehak, ae ziba !

Qorboo-net be-ram, ae ziba !

Fard ko par,

Parende ko ghar,

Tera didaan se sab, ae ziba !

Qorboo-net be-ram, ae ziba !

Khoob roka, qaib pe na zor chala,

Gazedaan bhara, teri khaatir duzakh ka, ae ziba !

Qorboo-net be-ram, ae ziba !

Humari Kuch Analog Ghadiyaan....

Raat meri Analog ghadi toot gayi,

To maine online Digital waali order kar di,

Par waqt nahi kharid paaya,

Haath mein liye tooti analog ghadi

Pure din Suraj ko Pighalte dekhta raha,

Phir Baadlo ki shaitaniyon mein,

Chupke se dekhta chaand nazar aa gaya,

Aur Ujadi analog ghadi tik tik karne lagi,

Joone lamhe naye jharoke se roshan ho gaye,

 Sardiyon ki dopaharein,

Lucknow  waale ghar ki chat par mulaqaatein,

marham dhoop mein tere haath se khaate kulfi aur anar ke daane,

Shimla ki shaamein,

teri aankhon mein dekhte doobte suraj ki thamin saansein,

Raat ko carter road pe long drive,

Aur subah subah Lodhi garden mein excercise,

Sunday ka brunch preparing teri farmaishein,

For dawaatein of yours, apne pure mohalle ko,

Holidays mein Udaipur ke umaid bhavan mein Raajshahi,

Office time mein, beech beech mein whatsapp par bhejte tujhko smile,

Carnatic music pe tere Manipuri dance ka nazaara,

Tu nashe mein acchi lagti hai, tujhe baar baar kehna,

France ke cafe mein paper napkeen par tere pairon ki tasveer bana na,

Mona lisa ki tasveer dekh ke usko tujhse compare karna,

Tooti analog ghadi ki tooti dhadkan tik tik kar dhadkati rahi,

Agle din digital lauta ke analog order kar di,

Superhero सरकारें....

सरकारें आती है सुपरमैन सी,
झपकी लेती है कैप्टेनअमेरिका सी,
औज़ार खिलोने दिखाएं बैटमैन आयरन मन सी,
करतब दिखाएं आखरी साल में स्पाइडरमैन सी,
सरकारें जाती है सब तहस नहस कर हल्क सी,

तेज़ और फुर्सत...

ज़िन्दगी के बदले ,
वक़्त ने किये खुद के दो हिस्से,
एक हिस्सा फुर्सत को दिया,
एक हिस्सा तेज़ को
तेज़ ने किफायती से किये खर्च,
और बाकी लम्हे फुर्सत को दिये
फुर्सत ने ये लम्हे जिए ऐसे,
की मुनाफे में पल बचा लिए,
और इन् पलों से, वक़्त से फिर ज़िन्दगी खरीद ली,

Long distance

चाँद तेरी आँख का आंसू है,

तरसाता है मुझे हर रात,

पोंछू कैसे इसे यहाँ से,

पहुंचे न मेरा हाथ,

Love and growing up...

1

Clouds were in hiding and sky was shining blue today, enveloping the earth’s head like my Mother’s favourite blue saree pallu used to cover my head while she brought me home from school during scorching summer of Jaipur. Of all the things that I remember and fall in love again & again is that experience, that cool summer afternoon walk. On the way we used to meet old Fagun kaka, the matka kulfi seller who would come to make us kids happy. Mother would buy kulfis every two days, and we would eat them on the way home. It was during those walks that I learnt the habit of looking in eyes of people; roadside men and women who used to stare at my free spirited mother.

2

It was the art class; my favourite class in school. We had been given a small exercise to close our eyes and draw what we saw. After about 10 minutes of closing my eyes, I decorated my white canvas with a painting of her plucking flowers in a garden.

I remember that was the first time, I was taken to principle’s room and also the first when all my classmates laughed at me while she a coyly smiled at me.

Today years later we have kept that painting in our living room.

3

Some incentives are just too good. Like the smell of lipstick on my cheek courtesy to my Primary class Mathematics teacher. It laid the foundations of my great mathematics score later in career.

4

Celebrity crushes are normal, In your Teens they seem like love forever. I still remember when social networking sites had just launched. A new  all women’s FM channel had started in Delhi. Indeed I was hooked to it, not to all of its shows but to one in which she was the RJ or the Radio host as she used to call herself. I had not seen her picture, but had fallen in love with the idea of her as a person based on just her voice. I became so obsessed with her that I tried to imagine her voice in voice of my female classmates, celebrities and singers. I would repeatedly search her name on internet, orkut and facebook. I used to dial her number to participate in all her contests on radio but every time was left dejected due to line being busy from the other end. Most of my efforts to see her, talk to her atleast once were a failure except one.

One day I found her on facebook, sent her a friend request and after waiting for numerous days and nights found her online. I sent her a Hi! Hoping for a reply, and she to my happiness replied back with a Hi. I replied with how I really loved her show and then chatted on How and why she chose this profession, how is it like to work day in day out in the same job. She too asked a little about me and praised me on a little poem I wrote and shared with her. Then she sent me location where I could come and meet her, She said she was going to come to a newly built shopping complex in city on this Sunday. I was elated, so on the designated Sunday, I skipped my coaching classes, wore nice clothes, picked up the greeting card I had designed for her and went to meet her.

But I was dejected as at the location there were hundred other people who had come to meet her. She had organized some game show on bollywood music and was giving frivolous gifts to morons who performed stupidly on idiotic Film Songs.

I had my first bitter taste of infatuation I had mixed up with love. 

2 evenings with Kurumanis

The first evening with Kurumanis

It is one thing to eat your favourite dish every second day and it is another to eat it till the last bite every time.  I wonder what Mr Kurumani would have thought after I kissed his wife’s hand in praise of the mouth watering matar paneer dish she had served me in dinner today. He would not have felt jealous I guess, because later I praised him in the similar fashion for the soul satisfying Kheer he had made for me. I hope they both do something about the idea of opening Kurumani Kitchen in our city.

Most of the residents are bachelors like me who would dream high, criticize people, laze around in bed and wish for a tasty dish rather than learn to cook themselves. Kurumani’s kitchen could be a big hit among this market segment. I could look after marketing and business development, both of them on Product development and manufacturing. Let me draft it on computer and mail it to them. Manufacturing sounds weird for cooking! But, here I go! bam! Mail sent! I should call Shikha now! Its 12 pm!

But I think she would have slept by now, will call her tomorrow.

I don’t know why Shikha calls Mrs Kurumani weird, Mrs Kurumani behaved so nicely today. Gosh! Mr Kurumani is such a lucky guy! I mean, Apart from being prettier than rose petals, Diksha Kurumani runs her own law firm, an NGO for farmers and loves him madly while all Karan Kurumani does is sit at home, visit exotic places and dirty lanes of city to make paintings; nonsense art which no one buys.

Karan is a masseur and runs his parlour and, maybe earns respect in his woman’s eyes through this crumby job. Shikha somehow, I don’t know why she has high regards for Mr Kurumani; maybe because they both belong to same town or is it something else? Sometimes I have suspicions over Shikha...No I can’t be negative and possessive... Breathe in! Breathe out! It is sleep time.

Listening to Mike Oldfield on my mini Bluetooth speakers relieves me off all the stress of the day, It was a bad day at office, client was just not willing to buy our idea of re-inventing his Brand image and extend his company’s Brand Portfolio. (Music playing)

I like this saxophone sound or is that a flute! In this song, oh! Ommadawn is such a soothing piece of music. Times are complex these days, your nerves need such tunes to caress them.

..........

The second evening with Kurumanis

I will always remember today, apart from being yet another terrible day at office, this day has hit me so hard on my head that it has left scars which no good memory or counselling will be able to heal. As I write this incident here, my pen begins to tremble in between my fingers.

I was returning from office and It was raining heavily, the lane to my house was jam packed with cars due to a yet another marriage reception event in our neighbourhood. So I decided to park my car outside Kurumani’s bungalow, which is hardly a Km or two from ours’. As I got off, I thought it would be a good idea to have a cup of tea at Kurumani’s and wait there for rain to slow down.

I was about to enter the Kurumani home when I heard a gunshot from their backyard, I initially disposed it off as a lightning strike, but I realized my idiocy when I heard a second gunshot from the same direction, suspecting something wrong I raced towards the backyard of Kurumani bungalow, what I saw there was horrifying.

Mrs Kurumani had tied her two year old daughter to a chair and was about to shoot her with a bullet from the gun in her hand. The little girl dressed in pink raincoat was though crying in rain but her tears were clearly visible. Maybe, she too, just like me, was shocked seeing her mother this way. I overcame my numbness and ran towards Mrs Kurumani, but before I could push her to floor, Diksha pointed the gun towards me. I got scared as hell seeing the barrel of gun and Diksha’s ferocious big diabolic eyes. Sensing my end, I closed my eyes and started to see images of my times with Shikha and that evening with Kurumani’s.

I was woken up by a touch of Karan on my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, I saw Shikha hugging Diksha who was crying. I got agitated seeing this, so hurried towards Mrs Kurumani, slapped her hard and shouted “stop your drama, you devil”.

Karan held me and said “what nonsense are you saying ? “

I said “she was trying to kill your daughter, her own daughter “

Karan replied “which daughter? what daughter? What the hell are you talking about man!”

I pointed my hand towards the direction where their daughter was tied on chair, but to my amazement she was not there.

Karan went towards Diksha and hugged her tight and said “ I have told you a hundred times not to forget to take your medicines, and give me that gun, I will return it to the security guard”

Shikha hugged me, held my hand and pulled me towards the direction I had parked my car.

We sat in the car, Shikha started the car and told me about Diksha’s disease;  ever since from her childhood Diksha  always wanted to be a shooter, to represent India in Olympics but, after her daughter’s death she could never recover herself. She is suffering from some mental disease. Whenever she sees the gun, she starts her target practices. She was doing the same today.

I was drenched in my emotions from inside when Karan’s voice interrupted me. I saw him talking to Shikha sitting in driver side window. I don’t know what they were talking about, but I remember he definitely laid a peck on her lips. I couldn’t believe my eyes and I am still unsure because the next thing I remember is, Shikha looking straight in my eyes and Karan was no where visible.

Shikha yelled “just come out of it, would you like some music”

I hesitatingly said yes, I have never been so unsure about myself.

We listened to Ommadawn as we headed back home.

Pixie cut and Rugby Butt

Pixie cut and Rugby Butt

It was yet another miserable Saturday for Jeev. 

Wrapped in a warm blanket on his cozy bed, He found it hard to get out. After having a hearty meal; two toasts and warm chocolate milk, the same thing he was having every morning since last one year, he lay in there, the whole day. It was not that he had problems with his health, he was perfectly fine; being an aspiring actor he made sure to stay fit. The full body medical check-up he had undergone last week also gave him 100 % fitness score but, it was just that his mood did not permit him to get out of his bed, maybe he was depressed.

Jeev talked to himself looking into the darkness enveloped in his thick black blanket. If not for the office, in order to get out of the bed he used to trick his mind; cheering it up, by playing a picture of old memories, his times of growing up, playing piano on streets, acting in plays , riding on bicycle to the hill top with his father,  painting pictures in his home garden on Saturday afternoon, talking to his father’s mistress. Bam! That did jolt him up to get out of the bed.

Jeev jumped out of bed in one swift motion, did twenty pushups, picked up the water bottle and went in the balcony of his 3 BHK apartment in the posh locality of South Mumbai. 

 Looking at the people moving in the garden in front of his eyes, Jeev thought, he must be doing something wrong. He was never like this; the dull tree, he was more of a shrub, the stylized shrub which made gardens look pretty.

It had been a year in the new city still he had no one to spend time with, No friends, and no relatives. He didn’t like hanging out with his office colleagues. He considered them as mere stakeholders in his money munching business. Any sort of exchange with them was mere transaction.

Entangled in his brooding, while taking a sip from his water bottle, Jeev saw a woman bending to take out a suitcase from her car’s backseat. She had short hair, pixie cut to be precise, decent biceps, and a wonderful butt. Gosh! The blue jeans augmented it’s beauty. Jeev’s eyes fixated themselves on the little wonder, a butt like a rugby ball placed on its goal point.

The girl was of average height probably five six. Her skin looked dusky and she walked briskly. Jeev wanted to see her face, but he couldn’t, all he could see was that she was entering the reception of his building.

Jeev’s breath increased, he quickly wore his track pants, grabbed a shirt and wore it on the way while moving out. After closing his apartment door he moved towards the lift. He waited there for a while, in double minds, to take the lift or to walk down the stairs....

He was about to press the lift button when he saw the floor Numbers change on elevator display screen. She must have taken the lift he hoped and deduced analytically. He waited for the numbers to stop. The lift stopped on 3^rd floor without thinking much, he rushed down from his 4^th floor. By the time he reached 3^rd floor, She was entering an apartment. It was 306 or 308, Jeev couldn’t properly see,  he had forgotten his glasses. Any ways he said, I know the door. He went near the door, it was 306.

He stretched his hand to ring the bell, but retracted it back, what was he doing? What was giving him this courage to chase this girl? Was it his desperation to meet new people, his depression or pure lust triggered by her wonderful butt?

He stood there, outside the door, thinking how horrible a person he was, he tried it hard but his desire didn’t let him move. The desire to see her face, hear her voice, converse with her, run his fingers in her pixie cut bouncy hair; half red, half blue, glued him to the floor. He couldn’t think of anything else.

His mind finally made him sail above the ocean of sinful desires and made him realize how awkward it would be to just ring a bell and enter her apartment. What would he say? Why he is here? He tried to recall some pickup lines then wondered,  do girls really like them ? and even if they do, she would think him a creep and maybe call security guards. He needed to think of a better way, something which could make him enter her house and talk to her for a while.

While he was in his train of thoughts, he heard a voice. “Hey Jeev!, whats up boy” He was his laptop repair guy Gaurav. I am good, Jeev replied. “You live on 4^th floor right, here to meet anyone, anyways do you know Roli” Jeev said Ms Roli? The repair guy said, “Ya this 306 woman “

Jeev Said, oh yeah! Ms Roli. Hey Gaurav, I need a favour, can I do her laptop repair instead of you. You know the problem is big Gaurav. Gaurav said, I don’t know what to say, the one who analyses sports data on TV is going to repair a laptop. Go ahead! But beware, Ms Roli is a big nuisance, she curses a lot.

Gaurav handed over his paraphernalia and said “I will wait in reception” Jeev grabbed them all and after seeing that Gaurav had gone out of sight, he rang the bell. A young woman with long hair opened the door. He was dejected.

She said “ Yes?”  Jeev spoke that he was there to repair her laptop. Ms Roli let him enter the house. The house was in a messy state, there were clothes everywhere. It was like a laundry house. Roli grabbed a truckload of clothes and made space for Jeev to sit on sofa. Jeev reluctantly sat on sofa and removed empty beer bottles from table in front of him to place his laptop on it.

“So you live alone” Jeev asked. No! Roli said

“who else ?” Jeev again asked. “are you paid to ask questions?, just replace the damaged keyboard of my laptop and leave” Roli angrily replied and walked away cursing softly.

Jeev stood and quickly checked the adjacent room to find her, the girl who had made him do all this nonsense activity on his miserable Saturday. Failing to find her, he was about to enter the next adjacent room when Ms Roli shouted out “ How dare you, you little bastard!”

Jeev dumbly replied “I was, I was, I was looking for your laptop” He couldn’t meet her eyes, and then on noticing her laptop below a pile of her books, added “ and it is right there”.

Roli said in a dry tone “drink this water and do your work “

After drinking a glassful of water Jeev was about to sit on sofa but went unconscious and fell flat on the floor.

..........

When his eyes opened he saw a man dressed in pink jacket, long hair, half blue half red. He had hair like the Rugby Butt girl. Jeev thought his mind had tricked him, was his best friend right in saying that," Jeev you have bisexual inclination?". Jeev tried to rub his eyes but couldn’t as his hands were tied with a rope to the pillar in the room. Ms Roli threw a glass of water on his face and brought him to senses.

Roli spoke “We had been eyeing on you for long, aspiring actor, sports analyst, and a lonely person. We traced your cyber profile too, a sports analyst in day time, liking unknown girls and actresses pictures during night. We researched your History and your old encounter with your, oh sorry that would hurt, with your dad’s mistress and your male friend on same day, anyways, We were sure that your two way desires would make you fall for my boy’s butt.”

Roli shouted, Camera boy focus “we will start our questionnaire and make this show famous, we will become rich just like other producers on TV”

Jeev couldn’t believe, he pleaded please relieve me.

The pixie cut, Rugby Butt boy replied “only after this pilot episode is shot my hot bod, don’t worry relax! we are making you famous and life is only about being famous!, isn’t it? ”

Toe Nails

After having become laughing stock of my entire family, relatives, relative’s friends and my friends for missing the flight, even on reaching airport four hours before its actual departure. I always make sure to adhere to all timelines and every guideline written or announced on Airport and double check everything.

 Is flight no. Shown on display boards and on my ticket same, is flight on time? By any remotest chance is it early? No power banks in check in luggage, no prohibited objects in hand baggage. I check on which gate boarding will take place and on which floor is this boarding gate located. Most importantly I make sure to take the boarding pass, the moment check in starts and get my security done, then take the seat in front of boarding gate to do the boarding when it finally starts.

I did all that, that day and triumphantly secured my middle seat in the Airplane. I picked up the airline magazine from pocket fixed on backside of my front seat and started praying for one of two things to happen: god either give me female co-travellers or keep seats adjacent to mine initially empty and when everybody is seated, one of the airhostess should come, sit on it and strike a conversation with me.

Soon the window seat was taken by a geeky teenage guy who slept the moment he took his seat. I had lost my hope yet again and started blaming god but soon I got a gift which broke my brooding.

Your meal sir, a packet of nachos and cheesy dip with a can of beverage, would you like anything more sir, said the hostess. A girl seated in seat in a row before mine, uttered “ I need more”

Then this girl turned around and, my god ! she had big beautiful eyes, two almonds on a heart face.

She said that her seat is not comfortable as it is somehow not arching back, so she wants to change her seat.

I prayed, I begged to god, I bribed the universe, to make law of attraction work and it indeed worked. She came and sat next to me.

She was wearing a cream - white embroidered Shirt and standard blue jeans.

I tried to break the chill and said to her “these airlines need to ...” she stopped me in half “ I am not interested”

Girls are terrible at being humble, I was just trying to start a conversation, I grumbled in my mind and went on to read my magazine. I tried to focus hard, but I couldn’t, her feet didn’t let me. They were slender, long and extremely soft to look at, the best part though were her toenails, perfectly cut. I for instance, have them so disproportionately cut that they look like toes of an evil monster.

Captivated by her toes, I didn’t realize airhostess was long asking me for giving her empty meal packets until  this women sitting next to me pinched me on ear and said “I can cut yours in the same way, if you want”  I felt shy, but somehow dared to say “ in flight or after landing”  and she replied     “ in flight of course” . This released plethora of fantasies in my head and I was sailing well in them before I heard the carcass voice of air hostess.

An airhostess  was announcing in a mic:  everybody, this woman here is our first official style hostess, she and her team will transform you while you fly, so enjoy their services to put your feet on ground as a completely different looking person.

Soon the women next to me stood up and said we have a team of pretty ladies over here who will come to your seat and give you services at a meagre cost as per your requirements. You can get a haircut in our special technically advanced barber head cap, get manicure, pedicure, face message or simply a head massage. She pulled me up and said “This man would be our first experiment” I waved to everyone, to which they gave a good laugh. I wondered in my head, “whether I was just born to please people” and, felt sad at this thought of mine but then something struck me, maybe an arrow of courage released from a cupid’s bow.

Was it the serendipity event I was waiting for ? Yes it was ! I said to myself  first and then said this loud out to our audience  “yes I will be her experiment if she agrees to go out on a date with me after we land on ground”

Some people laughed, Some clapped and some whistled before all of them roared in chorus “ yes she would, yes she would”

She was feeling shy or embarrassed, I can’t say. But she held the mic and said in energy “ Yes I would !”

People clapped and shouted. This was the best Air travel I have ever had in my life.

And, this is how I met my girlfriend for the first time and unknowingly helped her launch a new add on service in her airline company’s first flight.

Soon this service reaped her huge benefits and her airline company became champion of the domestic travel segment surmounting the large players in the aviation industry.